One of the BIGGEST problems you may face when trying to meet new
friends is the awkward silence. Encountering this situation is so
uncomfortable that it can even force you to avoid meeting new people in
the first place, but there is a way to get around it. In the
past, I I struggled with this so much that I thought it could never be
solved. I even thought it had to do with my DNA or something… but I
proved myself wrong when I learned how to solve it. Not knowing how to
keep a conversation going can really harm your social life, but if you
know how to keep those words flowing, you can meet, talk to, and get to
know pretty much anyone you like—creating great possibilities for
friendship, fun, and shared activities that you would otherwise have
missed out on.
Why You Run Out of Things to Say
After studying this in depth, I found patterns of behavior that can
keep you from making great conversation with people. One of these common
behaviors is the habit of filtering—holding back from saying
something until you’ve “checked” with yourself to make sure that what
you’re about to say is cool, impressive, smart, and interesting. What
does that do to your conversation ability? It kills it! Another problem is not learning to get in the mood for conversation.
If you spent a whole day working or studying analytical or logical
subjects, and you don’t know how to switch from that, then it can take a
lot of time to warm up and start interacting with people socially. You
can overcome this simply by learning a few new skills, such as the ones
listed below. Once you do that, you’ll be able to talk to new people,
and make friends, much more easily.
How to Keep Conversations Going
Let’s get you started with a couple of basic, yet solid techniques on how to be a great conversationalist:
Conversation technique #1 No Filtering
This is the reflex that allows you to say whatever goes on in your
mind. No filtering, no checking with yourself ”would I sound cool if I
say this?”. None of that. The best way to practice this is to start
doing it with people you kind of know—do you dare to try it? It’s fun to
realize that you’re allowed to say whatever is on your mind, and no-one
is going to judge you for it. As long as you don’t say anything that
could land you in jail, you’re okay! People don’t care too much about
how “awesome” what you’re saying is, because they’re too focused on how
THEY are coming across. Get it? If so, let’s move on…
Conversation technique #2 “Interesting, tell me more!”
This works 99% of the time. It’s a surefire technique, and it works especially well for beginners. People love to know that you’re interested in
what they have to say, so if you show some interest, they’ll hang
around and want to talk to you even more. All of the “oh! that’s
interesting…”, “Hmm, I’ve never heard of that”, “Hmm, cool!”expressions
are reactionary bits of conversation that prove to the other person that
you’re really listening, and that’s very flattering to them.
Conversation technique #3 Stories from Everywhere
Everyone knows that stories juice-up conversations, but most people
only talk about stories their own lives. You don’t have to draw from
your own experience when speaking with someone: you can use stories from
anywhere, from stories that happened to people you know, to those you
came across via the radio,TV, magazines, etc. How can you integrate the
stories into your conversation? The key is to first realize that you can
use them. You’ve already heard them, and the more interesting or weird
they are, the harder they are to forget, so you’re all good. Your brain
doesn’t lose them. When someone mentions something related to any of
them, just tell the story, even if it’s not from your life. It can be
any silly story, short or long, interesting, or totally awkward—just use
it! People love talking to people who can just share stuff
openly like that. These techniques should get you started, but if you
want to take it to an advanced level—to the point where you can just
have fun when talking to anyone, meet the right people you want in your
life, and be able to make friends with them fast—then I recommend that
you take a little time to learn more about how conversations work. If
you do that, you’ll make conversations far more interesting, with
natural ease, avoiding all awkward silences that might prevent you from
meeting the right friends that you would love to have around.
