Exposure to nonstop negativity actually impairs brain function. Here's how to defend yourself.
Do you hate it when people complain? It turns out there's a good
reason: Listening to too much complaining is bad for your brain in
multiple ways, according to Trevor Blake, a serial entrepreneur and
author of Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life.
In the book, he describes how neuroscientists have learned to measure
brain activity when faced with various stimuli, including a long gripe
session.
"The brain works more like a muscle than we thought," Blake says. "So
if you're pinned in a corner for too long listening to someone being
negative, you're more likely to behave that way as well."
Even worse, being exposed to too much complaining can actually make
you dumb. Research shows that exposure to 30 minutes or more of
negativity--including viewing such material on TV--actually peels away
neurons in the brain's hippocampus. "That's the part of your brain you
need for problem solving," he says. "Basically, it turns your brain to
mush."
But if you're running a company, don't you need to hear about
anything that may have gone wrong? "There's a big difference between
bringing your attention to something that's awry and a complaint," Blake
says. "Typically, people who are complaining don't want a solution;
they just want you to join in the indignity of the whole thing. You can
almost hear brains clink when six people get together and start saying,
'Isn't it terrible?' This will damage your brain even if you're just
passively listening. And if you try to change their behavior, you'll
become the target of the complaint."
So, how do you defend yourself and your brain from all the negativity? Blake recommends the following tactics:
1. Get some distance
"My father was a chain smoker," Blake confides. "I tried to change
his habit, but it's not easy to do that." Blake knew secondhand smoke
could damage his own lungs as well. "My only recourse was to distance
myself."
You should look at complaining the same way, he says. "The approach
I've always taken with complaining is to think of it as the same as
passive smoking." Your brain will thank you if you get yourself away
from the complainer, if you can.
2. Ask the complainer to fix the problem
Sometimes getting distance isn't an option. If you can't easily walk
away, a second strategy is to ask the complainer to fix the problem.
"Try to get the person who's complaining to take responsibility for a
solution," Blake says. "I typically respond to a complaint with, 'What
are you going to do about it?'" Many complainers walk away huffily at
that point, because he hasn't given them what they wanted, Blake
reports. But some may actually try to solve the problem.
3. Shields up!
When you're trapped listening to a complaint, you can use mental
techniques to block out the griping and save your neurons. Blake favors
one used by the late Spanish golfer Seve Ballesteros during a match
against Jack Nicklaus--a match the crowd wanted Ballesteros to lose. "He
was having difficulty handling the hostility of the crowd," Blake says.
"So he imagined a bell jar that no one could see descending from the
sky to protect him."
Major League Baseball pitchers can sometimes be seen mouthing
"Shields on!" as they stride to the mound, he says. He adds that his own
imaginary defense is "more like a Harry Potter invisibility cloak."
A related strategy is to mentally retreat to your imagined favorite
spot, someplace you'd go if you could wave a magic wand. "For me, it was
a ribbon of beautiful white sugary sand that extended out in a
horseshoe shape from a private island," Blake says. "I would take myself
to my private retreat while people were ranting and raving. I could
smile at them and nod in all the right places and meanwhile take myself
for a walk on my private beach."
Blake first saw the picture of the island in a magazine, and the
image stuck with him. Eventually, he got a chance to try it for real.
"It turned out the island was for rent, and it was the same one I'd
seen," he says. "So I rented it for a week. And I got to take that
walk."
